Getting back on track

Hello Interweb.

I've felt slightly out of sorts lately. i can't exactly put my finger on what it is. I haven't been sleeping very well, been getting massive headaches and I have found myself easily irritable! And I don't like it. So this post is just me gettign all that off my mind.

I feel like life has slightly gone off the rails for me. Nothign crazy. No, quite the opposite. "Life" is good. Shawna and I are both working good jobs with a stable income hanging with good friends, and even the Senators are playing well all of a sudden. Yet I feel like I'm going nowhere right now. Why? laziness! Plain and simple. I'm using work, and how tired I am at the end of the day to not do the things that make my life so special and make me so blessed. But why? Why am I doing that? Shouldn't I be jumping on those thigns like a fat kid on cake? Yes. I should. but I'd rather sit on the couch and stare at the TV or the gameboy (Teehee) instead of read my bible, work on my marriage book or - God Forbid - Pray! All in all, not good.

Not to mention that blogging is a good way to sort out my thoughts and I haven't been doing that lately.

Blah! I was supposed to meet the Children's pastor of tenth Avenue Alliance Church yesterday btu she cancelled our meeting because she was feelign ill. Which is good, because I didn't feel ready for it at all. I hadn't thought about it, prayed about it or asked for any kind fo guidance regarding it. I was just kidna gonna go without haveing medidated and prepared myself for the meeting and the work involved in it. So her cancelation was a bit of a blessing. (Especially since, 5 minutes before she emailed me Iw as thinking how I wasn't ready and I wish I had given it more thought. God answers prayers so blatantly sometimes it kinda freaks me out.) So I'm gonna really think about it, pray about it and look up the skies for a guiding hand!

Oh, and get back on track with Blogging!

And spend more bible time with Shawna. Our work schedules and tiredness are NOT an excuse. Yeah! Go team!

Casimir Pulaski Day

Most people who read my blog will already know this song. But if you don't, you should.

This is my favourite song by one of my favourite artists, Sufjan Stevens. Casimir Pulaski Day tells a very tragic story. And addresses the struggle man can be faced with they don't understand what the heck God is doing. You knwo when, you just wanna shake him and scream in his face and tell him he's wrong? Yeah. Kinda touches on that. Beautiful piece of art.

There's a link to a youtube video witht he song on it HERE

You can follow the lyrics bellow


Golden rod and the 4-H stone
The things I brought you
When I found out you had cancer of the bone

Your father cried on the telephone
And he drove his car to the Navy yard
Just to prove that he was sorry

In the morning through the window shade
When the light pressed up against your shoulder blade
I could see what you were reading

Oh the glory that the lord has made
And the complications you could do without
When I kissed you on the mouth

Tuesday night at the bible study
We lift our hands and pray over your body
But nothing ever happens

I remember at Michael's house
In the living room when you kissed my neck
And I almost touched your blouse

In the morning at the top of the stairs
When your father found out what we did that night
And you told me you were scared

Oh the glory when you ran outside
With your shirt tucked in and your shoes untied
And you told me not to follow you

Sunday night when I cleaned the house
I find the card where you wrote it out
With the pictures of your mother

On the floor at the great divide
With my shirt tucked in and my shoes untied
I am crying in the bathroom

In the morning when you finally go
And the nurse runs in with her head hung low
And the cardinal hits the window

In the morning in the winter shade
On the first of March on the holiday
I thought I saw you breathing

Oh the glory that the lord has made
And the complications when I see his face
In the morning in the window

Oh the glory when he took our place
But he took my shoulders and he shook my face
And he takes and he takes and he takes.

Thought

it's a shame I have been drinking my coffee black for the last few years.
I really miss the swirl of cream in a steaming coffee mug.

That is all.

Religion

I haven't really liked the word Religion in the past. I've always used "spirituality" or "Faith" but lately I'm really liking the use of it.

I was explaining to a co-worker when i say Religion I'm taking about community. Friends. People i can share my life with. What's so bad about that?

The word religion has been very taboo in modern times. It's come to mean a legalistic condemnation of people you don't know and who (interestingly enough) don't profess faith in Christ. So why bug them?

That's not my Religion. Religion is love for friends. Breaking of bread amongst people. And yes, at times, expressing concern over someone's life! But people I love and who I have earned the right to do that with.

I feel so good knowing I am confortable using the Word religion. I couldn't do that before!

And I'm even learnign to Speak Christian, which is weird for me! But it's kinda cool too! I'm seeing words like blessing, rejoice and praise coming into my regular vocabulary. Hmm. A change from where I've come from, to say the very least!

ChristianLife-Truth

I've had a lot of time lately to think about what exactly it means to live in a Christian community. It's a tough thing to ask yourself, mainly because so many people see it in different ways. I have had many different tastes of what one would call fellowship. Mostly good, but some negative. The negative ones seem to stick out in my mind more... not because I hang on to the negative, but they are the ones that i feel like I learned the most from.

The biggest negative experiences I have had with Christian life have usually revolved around lifestyle choices that people have not approved of. Mainly Shawna and I living under the same roof. That was, without a doubt, one of the hardest parts of my life in a Christian community. Mainly because most people didn't seem to care about how our life was being lived. Instead, they were concerned about the illusion that it conveyed. I say most, not all. Some people whom I have a deep respect and love for (who may very well read this) came to me out of love and told me they disagreed. And that's fine. In fact, that's great! More and more, I am believing that God speaks subjective truths to individuals. I was confused when someone whom I respect came to me and said "I disagree. Here is my argument." and I said "Well, I am not of the same opinion. Here is my argument." We both made valid, solid points, and yet we left the conversation completely unconvinced of each other's opinion. It was interesting because he said something along the lines of "I don't know how to feel. Becasue either the Lord is speaking through me and I'm right, or he's speaking through you and you're right." At face value I wasn't sure how to take that comment. The more I thought about it, wresttled with it and prayed about it the more I relized that I disagreed. Maybe God is speaking through both of us. Maybe that the truths that God has are so profound that they seem contradictory to our feeble minds. I mean, think about the amount of blatant contradictions in the books of the law. Obviously, God isn't worried about his 'rules' being lived in contrasting ways. We can all agree on the ten rules that govern our life, (The commandments) but other than that it's open to interpretation. I'm reading "The Year of Living Biblically" right now and he touches on that so much. The amount of people that interpret the law in completely different ways. They can't all be right, can they? I would say yes. If we, as believers, can find a way that the law and God's word can speak truth and Holliness into our lives, why should we stop it? God's truth is eternal... now I don't know about you guys, but I can't grasp the concept of eternal truth. Don't you think that the Lord is gonna dumb it down for my feeble insgnifigant mind in order to make me understand it on a personal RELATIONAL level!?! Why not? This is the God who holds the cosmos in his hands people! Why wouldn't he? He would REJOICE at being able to relate with us on such a subjective level!

Even Jesus did it. I mean When the disciples got mad at Mary for annointing him with oils instead of selling them to feed the poor, he said "Why are you bothering this woman? She has done a beautiful thing to me. The poor you will always have with you, but you will not always have me." (Matthew 26) In contrast, when asked how he could get into heaven, he told the rich man "If you want to be perfect, go, sell your posessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in Heaven. Then come, follow me." (Matthew 19) Isn't it interesting how God can speak two completely different messages to people who are in completely different places in life and in their relationship with him!?! I love it.

I don't have any answers. Just my thoughts on truth and how the eternal truth relates to us on individual levels. I think it's gloriously quasi-contradictory. I love it!